Grateful and Struggling: Why Both Can Be True This ThanksgivingWorld Mental Health Day | October 10

World Mental Health Day falls just before Thanksgiving weekend in Canada this year, and the timing offers an opportunity to talk about something we don’t always associate with gratitude: what happens when we’re grateful, but we’re also struggling?

Thanksgiving often comes with reminders to appreciate what we have, count our blessings, and focus on the good in our lives.

And those can be wonderful things.

But gratitude can become complicated when life isn’t necessarily going well.

Because the truth is, gratitude and struggle are not opposites.

You Can Be Grateful and Still Be Having a Hard Time

We can appreciate parts of our lives and still wish other parts were different.

We can experience a beautiful moment in the middle of a very painful time.

We can feel grateful and lonely.

Grateful and anxious.

Grateful and grieving.

Being grateful doesn’t mean we’re required to be okay.

Sometimes, without realizing it, we can even use gratitude against ourselves.

We tell ourselves, “I have so much to be grateful for. Why do I feel this way?”

Or we compare ourselves to someone who appears to be going through something much more difficult and think, “What do I have to complain about?”

But mental health doesn’t work that way.

Having good things in our lives doesn’t make us immune to anxiety, depression, loneliness, grief, stress, or emotional exhaustion. And being honest about what hurts doesn’t make us ungrateful for what doesn’t.

We don’t have to earn the right to struggle by proving that our circumstances are difficult enough.

Holidays Can Make Difficult Feelings Louder

This can be especially important to remember around holidays.

For some of us, Thanksgiving means a table filled with family and friends. For others, it might mean spending the weekend with one other person. And for some, there may be no gathering at all.

Holidays have a way of making us very aware of the difference between the life we have and the life we imagined—or wish—we had.

For someone who is grieving, an empty chair can feel especially noticeable.

For someone who is lonely, seeing photographs of other people gathering with family and friends can make that loneliness feel even louder.

And even family gatherings themselves can be complicated.

We can love people very much and still find being with them difficult. Family relationships can carry history, expectations, conflict, old wounds and complicated emotions that don’t disappear simply because it’s a holiday.

So when we talk about gratitude this Thanksgiving, perhaps we need to be careful not to turn gratitude into another expectation about what our lives are supposed to look like—or how we’re supposed to feel.

Gratitude Doesn’t Require a Crowded Table

Gratitude can be much smaller and quieter than we sometimes imagine.

Maybe there is someone in your life you’re deeply grateful for.

But maybe today it’s your dog waiting for you at the door.

A walk somewhere beautiful.

A favourite book.

A warm cup of coffee.

A conversation that made you laugh.

Something you’re looking forward to.

Or simply one peaceful moment in an otherwise difficult day.

Noticing one of those moments doesn’t mean the difficult things suddenly disappear.

You might still be lonely.

You might still be grieving.

You might still be anxious, overwhelmed or going through something really hard.

Something can be good while something else is hard.

We can allow ourselves to appreciate a moment of comfort without expecting it to make everything else feel okay.

Both can be true at the same time.

A Different Kind of Gratitude Practice

This Thanksgiving weekend, consider trying something a little different.

Notice one thing that is good.

Not something you think you should be grateful for. Not something you would put on a list because it sounds appropriate.

Something that genuinely feels good to you.

And when you notice it, stay with it for just a moment.

You don’t have to make it bigger than it is.

You don’t have to turn it into a lesson.

You don’t have to compare your life with anyone else’s.

And you certainly don’t have to use it to convince yourself that everything is okay.

Just let yourself appreciate it.

Maybe gratitude isn’t about convincing ourselves that we have enough reasons to be happy.

And it certainly isn’t about pretending that everything is okay.

Maybe gratitude is simply noticing that even during a difficult season—not only after we’ve made it through—there can still be moments of comfort, beauty, connection or peace.

Those moments don’t erase what we’re carrying.

But perhaps, for a moment, they can sit beside it.

————————————————————

At Psychotherapy for You Canada, we know that holidays can bring many different emotions to the surface. If this Thanksgiving feels more difficult than joyful, you don’t have to pretend otherwise. Giving yourself permission to acknowledge what you’re feeling can be an important act of self-compassion.

If you’re struggling and would like support, our therapists provide virtual psychotherapy to individuals, couples and families across Canada.