You’re Allowed to Take Up Space: A Reflection for Persons Day
Persons Day | October 18
Every October 18, Canada marks Persons Day, commemorating the 1929 decision that recognized women as “persons” eligible for appointment to Canada’s Senate. The legal challenge, led by the women known as the Famous Five, helped open a door that had been closed to women’s participation in public life.
Nearly a century later, that history invites a personal question: What does it mean to feel that we’re allowed to take up space in the world?
Having the right to participate and feeling comfortable doing so aren’t necessarily the same thing. We may know that our opinions, needs and contributions matter, yet still hesitate to express them. Sometimes, without even noticing, we’ve learned to make ourselves a little smaller.
The Everyday Ways We Make Ourselves Small
Making ourselves small doesn’t always mean stepping away from an opportunity or letting someone else make a major decision. Often, it happens in ordinary conversations.
We soften an opinion with “I could be wrong, but…” even when we know the subject well. We begin a reasonable request with “I’m sorry to bother you.” We apologize for needing help, having a preference or asking a question.
When someone offers a compliment, we might immediately explain why we don’t deserve it. An accomplishment becomes “nothing really,” or something that “anyone could have done.” We may be comfortable celebrating other people’s efforts while finding it much harder to acknowledge our own worth.
Any one of these responses can be harmless. Sometimes an apology is appropriate, and sometimes uncertainty is honest. What deserves our attention is the pattern: Are we being considerate, or are we repeatedly treating our own presence as an inconvenience?
When Being Accepted Means Asking for Less
Although Persons Day centres on women’s history, this reflection reaches beyond gender. Many people have learned, through family expectations, relationships, cultural messages or experiences of rejection, that acceptance feels easier when they ask for less.
Perhaps being agreeable helped keep the peace. Perhaps expressing a need was met with irritation, or speaking confidently was labelled as being difficult. Over time, staying quiet or putting ourselves last may have become familiar ways of navigating relationships.
Those habits can make sense in the circumstances where they developed. But they can also follow us into situations where there is more room for our voice than we realize.
We may find ourselves waiting for permission to contribute, even when our perspective is welcome. Or we may assume that someone else’s needs belong on the list while ours need a special justification.
Recognizing that pattern isn’t a reason to criticize ourselves. It’s an opportunity to become curious about what we’ve learned—and whether it still serves us.
Kindness Doesn’t Require Us to Disappear
Kindness, consideration and humility all matter. They help us build relationships where people feel respected and valued. But none of them requires us to dismiss ourselves.
Being considerate can mean listening carefully while also expressing a different opinion. Being humble can mean recognizing the help we received while still feeling proud of what we accomplished. Making room for another person can include acknowledging that we need room too.
We can care about someone else’s comfort without making ourselves responsible for preventing every uncomfortable moment.
Saying no may disappoint someone. Asking for help may require another person to adjust. Expressing a preference may lead to a conversation. Those possibilities don’t automatically mean we’ve been unkind.
Healthy relationships need space for more than one person’s needs, feelings and perspective. Our willingness to consider others matters—and so does our willingness to include ourselves.
What Taking Up Space Can Look Like
Taking up space doesn’t have to involve a dramatic change or becoming the loudest person in the room. It can happen in small, ordinary moments.
It might mean accepting a compliment with a simple “Thank you,” allowing ourselves to acknowledge something we’ve done well, asking for help before we’re overwhelmed, or saying no when something doesn’t work for us.
It might also mean letting a preference stand without immediately withdrawing it. We can say, “I’d rather do this,” and allow that preference to become part of the discussion.
There will still be times when we compromise, step back or put someone else first. The question is whether those are choices we make freely—or whether putting ourselves last has become the only position that feels acceptable.
Our needs don’t have to be more important than everyone else’s to deserve consideration.
Start by Noticing
If this feels familiar, you don’t have to begin by changing every habit. Start by noticing one place where you make yourself smaller.
Pay attention to an unnecessary apology, a compliment you quickly dismiss, or a moment when you stay quiet despite having something to contribute. Notice when you make room for everyone else’s needs and leave your own out of the conversation.
Then gently ask yourself: What am I worried might happen if I let my voice or my needs matter here?
You don’t need an immediate answer. Sometimes noticing creates enough space to recognize that an automatic response is a habit, rather than a requirement.
When it feels comfortable and safe, you might try one small change: say thank you without minimizing the compliment, make a request without apologizing for it, or share your opinion without first explaining why it might not count.
The goal is to give yourself more choice in how you show up.
There Is Room for You Too
The Persons Case challenged a legal barrier to women’s participation. Its significance doesn’t mean every inequality was resolved, or that everyone now faces the same opportunities and obstacles.
Alongside that history, we can consider the limits we’ve learned to place around ourselves—and which ones we might be ready to question.
Taking up space means recognizing that our needs, opinions, accomplishments and voices belong in the conversation. We can listen, care, compromise and make room for others while allowing ourselves to be present too.
We don’t always need permission to occupy space that already belongs to us.
At Psychotherapy for You Canada, therapy can offer space to explore patterns of putting yourself last, difficulty setting boundaries, or uncertainty about expressing your needs. Our therapists provide virtual psychotherapy to individuals, couples and families across Canada.
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